Dear noepiphany37:

You wrote that you “lack self acceptance”. Notice that when your girlfriend tells you that you are “quite stingy and calculating when it comes to money”, she expresses her lack of acceptance of you. She expresses disapproval of you. I think that you need a girlfriend who will accept you just as you are. After all, if it is indeed “much cheaper for her living here”, maybe she should cut you more slack.

You listed three reasons for staying with your girlfriend:  you fear that every relationship will be unsatisfactory for you, you fear that you will not meet another woman in the future, and you fear it will be too much of a rigmarole to break up.

You wrote that when your partner expresses lots of warmth, you recoil. Recoiling is a fear reaction. When your partner distances herself you fear abandonment. Again, fear seems to be your dominant motivator.

Back to the title of your thread: “is something wrong?”- my answer at this point is: too much fear, being motivated by fear.

Have you considered quality psychotherapy to examine and gently, in a supportive, therapeutic setting, confront your fears?

anita