If there is any moment that I truly regret is when he told me that he wanted to break up with me, I accepted it without any fight or fuss. All I can say is that weak “I am very disappointed” line that I regret very much.

I wish that I had told him that I want him to stay and fight for me and that we will work this out together somehow or maybe we should take a bit of a break and space to think things through instead of agreeing with a impulse break up that he only thought about for 3-4 days.

Maybe things would be different, who knows.

Instead of saying all those things or beg for him, I let go of him while thinking that letting him go is the biggest present and the biggest kind of sacrifice that I can give to someone that I love very much. I am in a constant struggle between Mina that wants to tell her ex about how she feels honestly or Mina that wants to be the un-selfish ex girlfriend that let go of her ex boyfriend once he wanted out.

I do not want my ex boyfriend to remembered me in a bad way – I want him to remember me as Mina, the person that he loved very much and that ex girlfriend of mine that was so nice that even after I broke up with her, she sent me a warm happy birthday message.

I want him to continue to remember me that way. I do not want to show him or anyone my “depression” state for that reason. I want to remain as a good and lovely memory for him. I do not want to turn into those crazy ex girlfriend that will embarrass their ex boyfriend, my ex boyfriend was respected by a lot of people – I cannot turn my boyfriend`s legacy and reputation in this college into nothing.

I still dress up, put on my make up, put on a fake smile everyday in order for everyone to believe that I am fine so they won’t send my boyfriend weird message like how Mina is going crazy etc, I have to put on a mask in a sense. He is the last person on earth that I want to tell about my current condition.

But lately – it gets unbearable for me like I have mentioned.

-Mina