Dear Mina:

Your sacrifice is not a good thing for you or for him because you sacrifice your honesty, the most noble value of all, honest sharing of feelings.

You wrote that behind your desire to thank him is “The desire to be understood by the most important person in my life. To be heard by him”- how can you possibly be understood by him, be heard by him if you are not honest with him, if you don’t share your feelings with him?

You wrote that it is 100% true, that “Your sacrifice was about pretending you are okay so to prevent him from feeling any concern about you”- my goodness, Mina: you were so worried that he will be okay as he proceeds with his university and military service, so eager to protect him from emotional distress, that you were blind to who really needs help- you! It is you who is not okay with your life.

Go be honest with him, tell him how you feel. He is probably stronger than you are, he can handle it. You need to be heard and understood- then voice what it is that you want him to hear. Don’t complicate things unnecessarily, trying to protect him from the truth. The truth will set you free and it will benefit him as well. Just say it to him as-it-is.

anita