Dear Mina:

Yes, I genuinely think that “it will be a good idea to express how I feel out of the blue, even though it has been 2 months ever since the break up”- because you are currently, after two months, feeling as strong as you are feeling about him and about the breakup. Your feelings are relevant in the present.

Regarding whether your “ex boyfriend wouldn’t be burdened by hearing all those things that I wanted to say and express to him”- maybe he will be burdened. But pay attention to my following point:

If you expressed to him your thoughts about you not wanting to live, basically, wanting to give your life to another and be rid of your pain, that may burden him and understandably so. It would be unfair to him to be given the responsibility for your very life, for you having no desire to live.

But if you share with him your feelings responsibly, telling him how much you miss him, and in response, “he will get mad or think I am weird”- then he will be rejecting who you are, your very person, your heart. And if so, if he thinks who you really are is weird and offensive (causing him to get mad, angry), then …. what was this relationship all about? What have you been thanking him for?

Thing is, it is you who is thinking that you are offensive and weird for feeling the way you do, so you hide it, think it is wrong and hide it. You learned it at home, this is what I referred to in your other thread as your “family dynamics” (started prior to your ex boyfriend being in your life): your feelings were rejected, treated as if they were offensive.

anita