Dear Verge1:

You wrote about your ex girlfriend that she “was frequently horrible and insulting” and you followed with: “She’d never explained to me this (abuse) was because of the anxiety”- as if the abuse becomes less harmful if the abused understands why the abuser is doing the abuse; as if an abuser abuses while calm and well.

It may be a good idea to help a girlfriend, or try to help, if she treats you right. Once she mistreats you, and will not stop such behavior immediately when it is pointed out, that is time to end the relationship. It doesn’t matter why, what bothers her.

You failed to protect yourself and you were harmed in this relationship. It is time to heal and recover and it is very possible for you to do so. Part of the healing is learning all you can from this experience so to protect yourself in the future.

* Protecting yourself is your number one responsibility. Helping another is a good idea only when protection is in place, only when you are not mistreated.

Perhaps it is time for quality psychotherapy for yourself. Take good care of yourself, this is your time to do so. It is not the time to figure out the answers to all of life questions, but the time to take it slowly, one day at a time, be empathetic toward yourself. You can heal. Healing is possible and available for you.

I hope you post again.

anita