Hello Anita,

I am here with a new update and new way of thinking.

Do you remember my very first thread here? I told you that I wasn’t sure to continue my study here or not. I was at lowest point in my life regarding my love relationship and my whole future. I felt like I did not have any purpose to live at all.

I realise that it was all because my ex boyfriend`s thinking had influenced me. When he talked about his hard times, I relate to him … and in a sense he showed me a way out of it by moving college. I loved and trusted him so I naturally think that in order to be safe again… I have to follow my ex boyfriend steps. He moved college because he was having a really hard time, I am also having a hard time right now so I keep thinking about doing the same thing.

I thought my ex boyfriend was the most perfect person in this planet. He is very nice, gracious, respectful and smart. He is also funny and very thoughtful to others. He is a leader that everyone loves and respect. He does not like conflict, and is always trying to meet halfway with everyone. He was a good person and he still is, even now. But I also understand now that he is also human. He is not perfect, and I shouldn’t be making life changing decision based on him.

I would tell you the amazing story on how my ex suddenly decided to move college : it was because he had lost a precious gift from his parents (a watch), the gift that was a congratulations gift for getting into our prestige university. That one watch that changed his entire life and future.

He mentioned on how he felt like he cannot be himself in student council, but it is not like he’s going to be the president forever. He just needs to hold it in for one more semester and he can live his life without student council. He mentioned how he does not like the exclusivity attitude in his major and class, but that is life. You cannot expect everyone to be nice. My ex boyfriend came from a small exclusive international school, with only less than 2o people per year – it was natural for him to be surprised that there are a lot of people in this world that are different and might be difficult to deal with.

But instead of dealing with it … he ran away from his responsibilities. He admitted this to me during our relationship. I was the one that did not want to admit it. I keep wanting to contact him after the break up in order to get his support and acknowledgement to move college. I was a coward for hiding behind his decision. I made a lot of reckless statements and decision based on that influence. I am not saying that the influence was a bad thing .., maybe for my ex it was the right thing FOR HIM to move, but for me – it is not. He made questions my dreams and plans, and because of that I am thankful because he re-assured me that I am currently doing the right thing instead.

I am not him. I am different from him. I will not run away and I will no longer hide. And for the first time ever since the break up, I can see why he is NOT the one for me. Instead of living a fantasy world that only I live in, I am starting to look at the reality and living it in.

I am sorry that it sounds so random and sudden but I realise how much power my ex boyfriend still had over me. He was so perfect … until today. I have no desire to be understand or to be heard by him anymore because I realise that his opinion over me does NOT matter. It is my life not his. I should be the one making every decision not him.

He shook me up and turned my life upside down for a reason, it was because I needed to find myself and my passion. For someone who did not even have any short term goal before I met him, he became a reminder that I need to find it. I need to be sure of what my goal is so I shouldn’t be so easily moved by a simple break up.

-Mina