Anita,

I am so delighted to read your compliments towards me. Thank you very much, that means a lot to me. I genuinely think that you are probably one of the only person in the world that truly understands the way that I think, you never once minimised my pain or my feelings for my ex boyfriend during the break up recovery period. I needed to be heard and to be understood during that time, and you heard and understood me … just like how my ex boyfriend did back then on his birthday – thank you, once again. People sometimes forgot that, I do not really need their advices or support, sometimes I just need them to listen and understand.

It felt good to really saw my ex boyfriend as he is. That was the main of it all. I was able to finally saw my ex boyfriend as a person again. There were a lot of times during and after the relationship where I had defended and tried to understand the motive of his actions. His actions were very unpredictable and for a 19 year old – I sympathise with his confusion and the fact that he was having a hard time. My deep love confused me and blinded me for a while, but now I can see things more clearly

The reason why I felt like I was a stranger to myself was because I trusted him more than I trusted myself. Every single thing that I had done (from making friends, to the way I treat or think about people, or see people) I was actually seeing things from his perspectives. My ex told me to be happy, and I was going to be happy only because he told me. If he had told to me to go die and be miserable, maybe I would have done it too. Everything that he says, he does or thinks – it became me. He became my guide book and my reason to live. I became him in a sense after the break up.

I realised that I failed to notice something important in my boyfriends decision. His decision to move college was a decision he made by himself for his own life. He left the person that he loved and friends in this college to go get his dreams. He trusted himself the most to made the decision, he did not made it based on his parents or his girlfriend. That is what I should have learnt from him. To trust myself, that I am doing well even without him or without anyone really. I am alive and I am well and I will be alive and well in the future as well.

These days, I remember my high school days like it was yesterday – I was probably 1 out of 20 person that came into the school when there was a flooding in my city. I was 3 hours late and still came in to the class all wet. I used to be the model student that would came during extra lesson even though I got the highest grade in my school. I do not know the meaning of “giving up” or “running away” – I have always faced my problems and deal with it, no matter how hard. During the break up, this Mina wasn’t here. I ran away and I was going to give it all up for the wrong reasons.

Regarding my best guy friend – I was wrong. I feel like I have to apologise to him, somehow. I am not feeling sorry for not feeling the same as him but I am feeling sorry for leading him on a lot of times. I was definitely not in a good mental position, I had hurted and toyed with a lot of people`s feelings. I was very selfish. All I can think about was my problem. My break up. My ex boyfriend. It was all about me.

I do not feel like I am particularly sad about my ex anymore. He was and will always be a precious memory for me, and more importantly he taught me an important lesson that I have to always trust myself and trust my own dreams instead of trusting someone else`s dreams.

-Mina