Anita,

You are always welcome, you deserve to hear those things 🙂

You wrote : “Your feelings matter and need to be attended to, primarily, by you. I would like you to have a … better relationship with your own feelings, to listen to the message behind them, to not reject your own feelings, to not be afraid of your feelings. I would like you, over time, to make friends with your feelings.”

I understand what you mean by this. All these time, I have been trying to make a sense out of him and the break up in a very logical way (which is by thinking) so I ended up neglecting my true feelings. My last post to you was very important to me. I finally understand why it was so hard for me to let go of my attachment to this person. These days, I am very comfortable spending alone time with myself …. and I actually feel like I am myself again after the break up. I am not desperate to feel like I am loved or cared for, I am able to see couples on the streets and smile. Because I used to be them, and I understand how it feels to be in love. To have that someone special. Instead of feeling bitter and jealous, I forgive myself and him for failing. Life is full of trials and failures and that break up was one of them.

You wrote : “What you learned, I don’t think it is your ex boyfriend that taught you those things. You learned all by yourself using your experience, trusting your eyes, your ability to analyze and understand.”

I agree with you on this one. What I meant by my last post was that I met my ex for a reason. If I hadn’t met and dated him, maybe I wouldn’t be able to experience and learn from such experiences. I feel like regardless of how painful it was, it was a very valuable lesson for me to learn. I cannot imagine how my life is gonna be without this experience, it changed me and it re assured me of who I am. What my values are and what values that I am looking in a friend or partners or society in general.

You wrote : “Regarding your friend, apologize to him if you led him on, and then forgive yourself. Please do not wallow in guilt. Once you sincerely apologize and then, in the future, correct your behavior, then guilt has served its purpose.”

I am not sure If I am guilty or not. Am I guilty for enjoying his support during the break up? For sharing my deepest darkest feelings to him? Am I selfish for that?

I rejected his feelings twice, the last rejection was very cold and embarrassing for him, probably. I told him this indirectly :

“I do not love you. That is all … that is my true feelings. There isn’t any other reason, I just dont love you. Even seeing you shedding tears, it did not hurt my heart.” (it is a song lyrics)

He posted my favourite song on Instagram and I felt kind of violated … I know that it was his “code” that he is thinking of me and missing me. I, decided then to post those lyrics as a reply into my Instagram. He immediately deleted his Instagram post about my favourite song, but …. again I do not feel anything when he deleted it.

My ex boyfriend told me once to try to be nice to guys. Especially guys that has feelings for me, to let them down politely and gracefully because he told me that guys are same as girls. They have feelings and they get hurt deeply too. That was the main reason why I was being so nice to guys that like me including my best guy friend, I was trying to slowly reject them to not let their feelings get hurts. Because I know, that was what my ex boyfriend had wanted me to do.

Things are different now – I do not see things the way that my boyfriend sees things, and I will not treat anyone the way my ex boyfriend treats people or how he taught me to treat people, unless what he had taught was indeed the right thing to do and I felt comfortable doing it. I personally, was having a hard time keeping up with the whole fake nice thing that my ex taught me. I wish we can sincerely and purely be good friends and support each other but nothing more. I wanted to be more clear on that.

I am not sure what I should be apologising for to tell you quite honestly

-Mina