Dear Mina:

As to #3, the chance that you will “misinterpret like what happened with the birthday message”- well, if you post here the conversation, including what he tells you, I can give you my understanding of it. I am not emotionally invested in your relationship with him, past or hoped-for, so for this reason alone, I will be able to give you a more likely to be accurate understanding of it.

Regarding #1 and #2: maybe, maybe not, depending on the fear factor. We close our eyes so not to see what we are afraid to see.

The thing with fear in this context though is that what we fear already happened. We are afraid as if it didn’t happen yet. The breakup already happened and you fear it as if it didn’t happen yet.

A few posts ago, another thread I think it was, I talked about you relaxing into your feelings. This kind of work needs to be done not only using your rational understanding but your emotional understanding. For the latter you have to be calm.

You wrote: “I am well aware that I am too scared to face and accept reality … do you perhaps know the reason behind this? why do I avoid my own reality?”-

I think that the reason has to do with your parents, maybe your mother particularly, invalidating your feelings during your childhood, sending you the message that you are either wrong to feel what you do, or that your feelings are irrelevant and you should do what makes sense, not what feels right. Maybe she passed on to you the belief that feelings are dangerous, a trap to be avoided so to do act and choose intelligently.

In… again, reality, we need both our intelligence/ rational understanding and our emotions so to understand reality. Your intelligence/ rational understanding is excellent but your emotional understanding is blocked by fear and, I believe, by a deep belief taught to you, that emotions are dangerous or such. What do you think?

anita