Dear Mina:

Regarding your second question: “Isn’t it better for me to be forced by him to see things as it is instead of holding on into a story that I created in my mind only?”- absolutely, when you are ready. When what you believe about reality fits reality, your mental health is best. When there is little to no fit, your mental health is not well. The comfort in believing what is not true is temporary at best.

You wrote: ” this fake relationship keeps me going, that is true.”- it keeps an often distressed, compromised Mina going.

You wrote: ” I am in so much pain because I refuse to eat the medicine…I will never get better if I do not drink this bitter medicine though” –

I am familiar with both kinds of pain myself. I know the pain in delusion (believing what is not real because it comforts me at times) and the pain in believing what is real. I know both. I can share with you about the difference when you would like, let me know.

Regarding the first question: “Will his response forced me to see things as it is, then? because he will damage this fake emotional relationship that I am having alone?”- not if you are not ready. When not ready, you will perceive his response in such a way as to fit the story you have in your mind, like you did following the birthday wishing.

There is also the possibility that he will not be honest with you. His motivation for being dishonest would probably be to protect you but it will keep you delusional and not well.

Another point: you still look up to him for the solution, as if he is your only hope for looking at reality as-it-is. That is delusional by itself. Because he is not a god and is not perfect, he may do the wrong thing by you and “protect” you from the truth, and in so doing, harm you, not help you.

anita