Anita,

1. Regarding your second point, I understand and I do feel like my mental health isn’t ready to accept anything that my ex boyfriend will say to me. I will wait until I am ready, which I still do not know when.

2. Would you like to share the difference between real pain vs pain that I am only feeling by myself to comfort myself?

3. You wrote : “There is also the possibility that he will not be honest with you. His motivation for being dishonest would probably be to protect you but it will keep you delusional and not well.”

I agree with you on this one.

4. You wrote : “you still look up to him for the solution, as if he is your only hope for looking at reality as-it-is. That is delusional by itself.”

I am actually well aware of this. I am holding on to this one conversation with my ex boyfriend as a means to survive. It is indeed delusional because my ex opinion on my future life does not matter at all.

This thinking though, I would refer you back to my last reply in this thread. I mentioned how my ex used to treat me, especially how he accepted me emotionally as a human being during our relationship. He was an exceptional (not God) person. You also mentioned on how you understand, you wrote :  “so to be accepted by him meant a whole lot to you and it still does.”

This is the main reason why I still think his opinion and his blessing are very important to me. He was my first partner that accepted me, and because of that – I truly saw our relationship in the long term basis, building a family and supporting each other. I see myself being with him now and in the future due to the fact that he accepted me emotionally and understood a lot of my issues that I did not even realise I had before.

I cannot imagine finding someone better than him or like him, that would understand and accept me as he did.

-Mina