Dear Danielle:

I will try to explain better. I am looking at your relationship from the outside, that is, I am not you, I am not him, I am not related or associated with either one in life outside this website. (And yet, I have a lot of honest, long term communication with you, and so a lot of information from you).

From this outside view, at this point, I see two young people in a troubled relationship. There is you pointing at him as the Guilty one, the one who wronged you, as if he was a relationship-criminal of sorts. You have interrogated him many times, present his guilt to him repeatedly: You did this and you did that and what else did you do and you are not telling me? why did you lie, what else are you lying to me about? Confess! Confess!

And there is him, taking on the role of the Guilty One, telling you (and your mother) that he is a “changed man”, that you, Danielle, changed him, that he has seen his evil ways and is rehabilitated, no longer this relationship-criminal.

These are two roles. You are the prosecutor and he is the criminal.

This is not a healthy relationship. You are in it because you are not well. Your anxiety and OCD are ruling your mind and relationship, and he is not well, otherwise he wouldn’t be in this unhealthy relationship.

Another way to look at it is that this is an abusive relationship. You are the abuser and he is the abused.

His “crimes” are not really crimes and you are not an authority on decency. The very fact that you are the abuser in this relationship indicates lack of decency.

I hope you re-read this when you are calm. My goal is to try and help a bit toward you moving toward better mental health and indirectly, for him to do the same.

anita