Dear Patrick:

You wrote in your original post: “I should be a happy dude, yet there is something missing. Or rather, something in the way, I don’t know which”- I am ready to suggest to you both: what is missing and what is in the way, and then I will suggest “a direction for (you) to go”, which is what you asked for.

What is missing from your efforts to heal: self compassion, that is, you feeling and directing your compassion toward yourself, the child that you were, being let down by his father again and again.

What is in your way to healing: you feeling, or trying to feel compassion for your father, for letting you down.

A direction for you to go: turn away from the direction you have taken so far: to make your father understand, to make him take responsibility for his actions, to make him love you… to wait until he does, and so, to be “left hanging” by him throughout your life, so far.

Your healing is not going to come from the person who caused the sickness, or the problem. It will start to take place after you turn away from the person who caused the sickness.

anita