Dear Danielle:

Your first sentence in your most recent post is: “Absolutely Anita, I don’t trust him”-

It is not a good idea to be in an intimate relationship with a man you do not trust regardless of the reason for the distrust. I don’t see how it is possible to have a healthy intimate relationship without trust.

You asked him why does he put up with your ongoing questioning if he was innocent and honest. His answer is as close to a direct post from him as I can get. He told you: “I deserve it. I lied for a long time. I involved 3 girls in our breakup. I lied to your face. I know we havw trust issues right now because of it and I know that eventually when time passes these questions will stop but until then I’m ok with them. They don’t bother me because I know I didn’t cheat. I love you and that’s why I stay. And I know I caused all of this but I promise I am not a xheater.”

He told you that he didn’t cheat on you, that he was involved with three girls while the two of you were broken up. He suggested that he is guilty not of cheating on you but of lying to you about having been with the girls during your breakups. He says that he is not bothered by your questioning because he is guilty of lying. His guilt then, from his answer, is about lying about not cheating. And he proceeded to take all the responsibility for your distrust: “I know I caused all of this”.

In my effort to understand better, I ask: did you tell him about your anxiety, your OCD? Did you share with him that these predated him, occurred before you met him? If you did, do you know why he took all the responsibility for the distrust and not part of it?

anita