Like you I struggled with my Christian Beliefs that I grow up in and eventually left the church though my Faith has remained (Faith and Belief are not the same thing). I struggled with guilt and shame and like you pretty much because I felt I was disappointing people I cared about. It was difficult separating my desire to be part of the community and my beliefs and faith.

My own feeling is that the only way to Unlearn something is to really Study it. And if your open to Symbolic language a study of religion teaching can be eye opening

Guilt, Shame the feeling of having to follow the rules to be good and loved tends to be reinforced by a faith/spirituality that has stalled and or Religious Organisations that have stalled. (Unless your situation isn’t about a mater of faith)

Church/Religious organisations are in a difficult position. On the one hand the goal is to help its members achieve spiritual growth, while at the same time the nature of organisations are to contain. One belongs because we all think the same and follow the rules of the organisation while Spiritual growth leads away from rules. I suspect that part of the process of spiritual growth is leaving the Church and only then return.

For my own part though I do not belong to a Church organisation though I still hold to Christian teachings of the Birth, Betrayal, Death and Resurrection of Christ.   That Birth, Betrayal, Death and Resurrection is a reality of every breath we take. Every Breathe a birth, a sacrifice, and death. The message to Follow Christ into this Truth is a YES to life as it is. Death and Life not two sides of a coin but integrated parts of each other. Wholeness… Holiness.

Anyway, I wish you well on you journey.

The book ‘Stages of Faith’ by James W. Fowler might interest you.

You may also find Joseph Campbells books and or audio lectures Helpful  for example Thou Art That: Transforming Religious Metaphor.

“Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.”  ― Joseph Campbell