Anita, thank you so much for taking some time to answer me 🙂

I was VERY confused when I wrote that and things are much clear now.

I actually called her and we met yesterday. We had a great conversation about our relationship, past and present, she was so kind and honest to me.

First of all, she had already told me a lot of times why she does not want to get back to our relationship. There was no need for another “closure”, but I was (and still am) having a very hard time accepting it.

I was the one who broke up, I was feeling unhappy and miserable,, and it shocked her SO MUCH at that time. She was devastate during the first weeks/months. After some time, though, she was able to move on and she is really a new woman now, while I wasnt able to do the same.

She still loves me and admires me so much (she said it to me and I know/feel this is true) but she does not believe in our relationship anymore, since we have tried for 8 years already. There is no reason for her to believe that THIS TIME things will be ok.  This is something hard for me to accept, maybe she is right and we simple cannot make it together anymore, while still loving each other, but I guess I’m very “romantic” regarding this topic and I do believe that we coud make it happen. We talked about it too, but it is much harder for her to believe in our relationship because she was the one who was “rejected” initially and she fears that I can do it again in the future (her words).

The fact is, I know I’m looking for hapiness at the wrong place. Because I’m feeling rejected and unconfident, getting her back seens to be all I need to be happy, while I know this is an ilussion. I feel desperate for her validation. I am a very succesfull guy at my profession and as an athlete, people around me believe that I am unbeatable and super confident, I have a lot of admiration from my students, my family and my friends and even from a good ammount of woman, but I still feel like a failure just because SHE is rejecting me. What, actually, is absolutely not personal – she is rejecting a relationship with me, not myself as a person, but I still cant stop begging for it.

I need help to get out of this mindset, I need to get rid of this confusion, and I know that I may need to hear some hard words about my attitude. I’ve been trying to meditate and the buddhist readings have already helped me A LOT, as reading these foruns are.

Thanks!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Vicente.