I know he accepts me and my dramaticness in other words but I feel that a lie detector test is crazy… I feel like I would be letting my anxiety win and I would look back and think wow I really can’t get it together and move on and just live in the present that I had to go and pay 600 dollars for a lie detector test. It’s like insane to me if I had to go to that length.

I just want to try and understand why in the world I care so much about what happened in the beginning of our relationship. How can I just STOP caring about the past? Why do I even want to know if there is more honestly? I already know things I wish I didn’t know and my excuse is always he’s changed that’s the past we’ve for we up and realize what we want. Why can’t I just tell him “I’m forgiving you for everything I know and don’t know. I don’t want to know if you’re lying. I’m forgiving you and I want you to forgive yourself and let’s just move forward. We’re in a new relationship and our old one just doesn’t matter.” That’s all I want. I don’t even want to CARE enough to take that test. I simply want to have no interest and just realize how we are now and nothing but the present and future matters. If he were to do anything in the present like be with another girl. Fight and go to another girl. Drunk text another girl. Break up randomly with me. If that happens…. I’m done. I just want to live in the moment and enjoy him now and this new honest stage and get ready for vacations and all these exciting things coming up.