Anita,

You asked :”Do you remember disapproving of yourself before you met your ex boyfriend? If you’d like, go back in time, scan your memory and share when and in what context did you feel inadequate, not good enough, less than perfect, and therefore unacceptable?”

I tried thinking about this so hard but I cannot feel like there is anything big, here is a few things that I came up with :

1. I did not have a lot of friends during the 3 years in high school because I was an over achiever so people tends to dislike me. I have my group of friends, we are still best friends until now – but I have to admit that I only have around 10 people that I truly consider as good, loyal friends.

2. I broke up with my first love when I was 15/16 and it left a huge scar for me. I had a lot of attachment to my first love, we were friends since we were 9 years old and then we started dating and broke up. It wasn’t a very nice break up, he expressed that I was a very good friend but a very boring girlfriend. It was so difficult for me to accept, I realise after a few years later that he wasn’t a good boyfriend at all. Not just to me but to almost all of his exes. He isn’t very loyal and has commitment issues. I do not have any relationship with him. I mean, we are technically still friends but I do not feel anything towards my first love anymore. No feelings at all. He is almost like a stranger to me. He has changed a lot and I have change a lot as well.

3. My parents especially my mother always criticise how I do not have a lot of friends. Personally, I do not need a lot of friends, I only need a few that truly cares about me and loves me. My mother seems very upset and has always expressed how I am very “anti social” – which is not true. I am just not comfortable with certain situations involving a lot of people that I know does not get along with me. I always try to be nice and polite to everyone, but it does not come easily for me. I like being alone.

Maybe there are more but these are the only ones that I can think of.

-Mina