Anita,

No, there are no children yet. We want children but cannot afford the proper process or adoption at this time. It’s very difficult for same-sex couples. I see this as if a sign from the universe, though. Once we’re ready we’ll be able to afford and plan like pros.

I have changed up our routine (which currently involves watching TV as soon as I get off work and that’s about it) but it was met with suspicion and distaste. She said she didn’t like when I don’t tell her things or try to surprise her with something new. It makes her insecure like I would leave her just as quickly as I would change up our nightly routine. I would rather be able to have a loosely dedicated time to discuss things rather than scattered arguments throughout the day that make no sense. I would love to be able to have 10am coffee, but I go to work at 6:45am and don’t return until 4:30pm. Again, I want to be able to talk and discuss things regularly but our discussions almost always end in arguments. There is so much attitude, too many assumptions, defensiveness and frustration. Sometimes it happens almost immediately. And I will admit that I add those things as well. I never mean to, but sometimes my patience isn’t there or I feel defensive and like it’s justified.

I have tried to establish ground rules. (ex: not using ‘infinites’ like “you NEVER listen”) When I become panicked I break them myself though, which is usually not forgiven or forgotten for some time. It’s just so strange to see my spouse go from being a loving, fun, determined person into a grouchy, rude, lazy person. I feel guilty for that judgement though, because I believe that happier person is still there somewhere.