So we went away last weekend and it was so amazing.  It just keeps getting better and better.  I finally got the L word too! I was pulling back on how much I say it because it was a bit uncomfortable with him not saying it back.  But when we were away I told him how much I loved him, and he said it back, and then said ‘I’ve loved you for a while but i’ve been scared to say it’.

I’m so happy, and he has said it on his own a few times since.  I really do love him and I haven’t really felt this way about a partner before and it’s so amazing.

However….I am still dealing with a bit of anxiety. I told my friends that he said he loves me, and their responses werent exactly what I was looking for.  They think it’s really soon to be saying that, feeling that etc.  I’m trying not to listen to them because in the past I have taken their opinions so seriously, when I’m the one in the relationship not them.  It feels right so I’m going with it.

That being said, part of me can’t just ‘be happy’, and trust things to continue to go so well.  It’s almost like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He keeps reassuring me he’s not going anywhere, etc.  I just love him so much I’m afraid for things to fall apart or to lose him.

I’m starting to understand where all of this comes from (my dad left us when I was about 11), so I do have some abandonment issues.  I feel like I’m doing better understanding that, but wish it would just go away sometimes!