Dear Tatjana:

You are welcome. Regarding your presented paradox: “I’m both scared that people will take too much of my time and space, and that they won’t and that I’ll end up alone”-

Your paradox seems like a non- paradox to me: you are scared that people will hurt you and you are scared of being unloved, alone. One does not negate the other.

Your experiences being in a relationship, with your mother and the romantic one were negative, painful. You don’t have the experience of a positive relationship, loving, comforting, calming, safe. If you did, you wouldn’t be scared of (selected) people.

You wrote that you “have trouble dealing with reality in general, the reality of love, the reality of life”- it is dealing with reality that will save you, seeing it as is and as it was. Do you see, really see how you were hurt in your relationship with your mother? With your father?

anita