Dear anita,

The girl that I am talking about is a mutual friend of mine and my narcissistic friend. She is aware of all that has gone between us, she tried to act as a peacemaker, failed ( I believe her attempts actually resulted in worsening the matter to an extent) and then said she’s not gonna pick a side as that would come off as an immature act. She has had her own fights with the narcissist in the past…I get this impression that despite being critical of her behavior in her absence, she’s somehow afraid of her and wants to gain her approval so badly…sometimes what she said about her in her absence did not match the level friendliness that she showed in her presence.

So, after she said she’d turned down the narc’s request for joining her in a group project, I honestly didn’t think she was, to quote her own later words, “doing this so that you (Mary) wouldn’t be left on your own.” I simply thought she was doing this because she thought I had proven to be a student with a greater sense of responsibility.
A bit later after saying she’d like to group up with me she said she didn’t know how the narc was going to react to the turning down of her request. She said “I told her I may go to the professor and ask her to do my project single-handedly.” So, I thought she’s somehow afraid of the narc finding out that she wants to be in my group as we were not on good terms, and that maybe she wasn’t that serious about this suggestion after all. On the day on which we were to announce our group members she was sitting next to the narc, and didn’t even look at me once as we were to choose our team members. Someone else asked me to group up with her…I said OK. This girl announced the potential members of the group to the prof. After that I told her I guess the friend may want to be with me, but I have to check  first. I did so after the class, telling her although I’d be happy if she were in my group, I understood if she felt uncomfortable about how the narc may react if she realized she wanted to group up with me at the expense of turning down the narc’s request. She said she didn’t understand what I was saying, that she had turned down her request because of me, and that was the way I had chosen to than her. I explained that I didn’t know she was doing this for me, and that her earlier saying on talking to the prof to do her project single handedly had left me confused. I also said that on the day that we were to announce the potential members of our groups she was sitting next to the narc, making it impossible for me to reach out to her.
Any way, this friend no longer talks to me as she believes I’ve betrayed her in a way. I don’t believe I have, but it hurts.

Mary

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Mary899.