Dear N:

That “whole other can of worms” in the relationship with your mother can very well explain your current difficulties with intimate relationships. The “stop being sad” message, for one, is rejecting your sadness, your feelings. The “just don’t worry about it/just be happy” message is: don’t bother me. I am busy … with more important things, isn’t it?

Your father told you that you can talk to him about anything: did you talk to him about your mother’s rejection and inattentiveness to you?

anita