Dear Dee:

Welcome back to your thread, good to read from you!

In your original February post, you wrote: “You have no idea how it feels like to…always in a war with yourself”. In today’s post you wrote: “I have a very hard time making a peace with myself, as you can see on my very first post”.

I believe that this is indeed what your struggle is about: war, internal war. You wrote today: “Life would… punch you, would kick you” – you referred to the project having been canceled and the former friend blaming you for it, but it is those warring voices in your head, those thoughts that are delivering the punches, that are kicking you.

It is possible for a project to be terminated, for a former friend to blame you for it, and yet to not feel those punches and kicking, to not experience that internal war. A disappointment, discouragement, but not that mental violence.

Those thoughts, that you disappoint and fail others, those are based on a Core Belief formed in childhood, following certain experiences. It is that core belief that gives rise to these thoughts. Would you  like to share the earliest childhood experience or experiences that you remember, when that core belief was formed?

anita