Dear struggling:

Your relationship with your now ex boyfriend, according to my reading of your original post was about how he feels, what he thinks, what he wants. While he may very well “lacks the skills to communicate”, so have you, not presenting your feelings, your thoughts and your wants as being as valuable or as relevant as his. As if you were not an equal party to the relationship, and I suppose you were not.

You wrote above that you are worried about him getting lonely, which fits the pattern of it, the relationship, past and present, being about him. Notice, you wrote in your original post: “he is without too much worry or anxiety….  I was having acute anxiety that could be strongly felt in my stomach. … I have been having pretty bad anxiety”- clearly it is you who needs your attention.

The shame and guilt are powerful factors in your anxiety. These lead to you taking way more responsibility to what happens than the other person to the relationship.

I hope your counseling helps you a lot. Reads to me that it is so. Hope you post again.

anita