Dear joanna:

I hope this is indeed therapeutic for you, to post here, and that if it is, that you continue to post for as long as you need and want to.

Of course, his rude behavior toward you does not indicate that you are not worthy or less worthy than otherwise. It indicates that he is rude.

Your anxiety got worse, reads to me, as a result of the interactions with him and I hope that not having him in your life (or any other rude people you can avoid!) will help.

Did you consider psychiatric drugs, short term, to relieve the anxiety, to lower it (so that you can meditate again and manage your anxiety, hopefully, long term without drugs)?

Anxiety is that free-floating ongoing fear that keeps looking for something to focus on. Your facial perceived or real imperfections has been such a focus. The possibility of a health problem is another focus.

I hope you post again. If you would like, I will reply every time I am on the computer, seeing that you posted (will be away from the computer for 18 hours or so). I hope other members will reply as well.

anita