X,

Okay, wow, now that is a relationship to wrap my head around. No wonder about the confusion.  Your Ex sounds like he could use  some alone time to straighten himself out first. There is a whole lot of selfishness there to be able to walk into peoples lifes like that and rip everything apart, throw it onto the ground, and walk away with no remorse. That is like a picture of a Tornado ripping through the landscape leaving devastation behind. I am sure there were many fun times, and times of hope, but he was a master manipulator that was able to get everything that he wanted. Out of curiosity, what is the biggest thing that you take away from that relationship?

I terms of the most recent guy, that does go to show how important chemistry is, and how powerful it is. For you to have gone through what you did with your ex and still continue to put yourself in a situation which has all of the makings of a very hard relationship to make work. So lets talk about challenges. From everything you have wrote about, I can assume that you are extremely intelligent, and have worked really hard to get where you are. Is there something there about the challenge of winning the affection of these men who on the outside look unattainable.

Jay is not married, is he?

Jay is divorced with no kids, I don’t know how long he was married for, or when or why he was divorced. It must not have been too good because he must not have any respect for the sanctity of marriage. But then again I think through this whole process, my thoughts on marriage have definitely been altered

You know I think that she is using it as sort of a break from reality, I fantasy that she can slip into where all of the stress of our day to day lives shrink away.

So the only viable scenario that I can envision (but that is very unlikely) is that we somehow run into each other again, the chemistry still being there and him being already free AND healed and ready for a relationship (from what I could see on his Twitter, nothing has changed in that respect for him – he is still mentally unavailable), and off we go from scratch. As if nothing had ever taken place before.

After reading everything, I think that unfortunately you served a purpose in his life and did not get anything in return. I like that you have decided to turn the page, it sounds like continuing to actively pursue/think anything will happen would only serve to hamper you growing more. As an aside,I do believe that if it were meant to be it will show itself and the picture you are painting for yourself is correct.

So with your wife, that feeling that something wasn’t there never appeared? You and your wife went past the times when your other relationships would end, and yours still continued on a high note, just as enjoyable, with no end in sight?

Correct, with my wife, as unsexy as this sounds, it was like your favorite pair of slippers they just fit and they always feel so damn good to put on. We have some very challenging times and the relationship has not been enjoyable all the time, kinda like when those slippers get stinky, the thought of throwing them away never crosses your mind. I have never had that feeling with my wife that something was missing.

 I realized that I might still be afraid of others and of life at some deep level

After reading everything else you wrote, I think there might be something to this statement.

I think that when you stop looking for that ideal man, and start looking for people that meet some small need on yours that you will find there are a lot of people out there that can provide you with fulfillment. Then that partner in crime will show up. I also don’t entirely agree that a husband must be more experienced and intelligent than the wife. I think that when you find your partner, you will realize that you compliment each other. Sure there are certain things that I know more about than my wife, but there are lots of ways that my wife is way more intelligent than I am, and that is one of the things that turns me on about her. Granted there are some men out there that aren’t looking for that, because they are intimidated buy intelligent women. They know that they can’t control intelligent women the same way, and are probably the ones that you want to stay away from. My wife knows my weaknesses and doesn’t want to use those against me, but rather help me grow through them. You should want that equal partner that holds the same attitude on life as you. Now my wife and I are also very opposite when it comes to certain things and that is okay to. Like I said it is about complimenting each other.

I gotta go take care of something really quick but will be back shortly

Matt