Dear Heartbrokengurl:

I cleaned your speech of the access letters and digits:

“I have missed you so much. I’ve been very upset, lonely, sad, angry, and I’ve been worried about you too.  I’ve had so many thoughts and emotions running through my mind, but I want you to know that I’ve realized how crazy I am about you, and how much I love you. I really want to fight for you and us, and I’ve never wanted to fight so badly for something. I feel like there might be more going on with you than you’ve told me or expressed, but I don’t think whatever it is, is worth losing us over.  I don’t want you to have to go through this alone, and I really want to be by your side, even if you don’t think have much to offer me at the moment, because when you do, you’re amazing. I know life is hard, and you might not be in the best place right now,  but you’re worth every second of seeing this through, and going through this with you. You told me once to make you work for me, and that I’m worth it.  Well that’s exactly how I feel about you and I will work for you.  I know you’re scared, and I know part of your hesitation are walls that you have up, but it’s me, you know me, you can trust me, and I’m here with you to figure things out.
I believe that true love is something you need to fight for and every relationship takes work, and think we have true love between us. I need you to be willing to fight for me too because I deserve to fight for a love that is reciprocated back to me”.

My input: I think your emotions are so very precious and I wouldn’t change anything in your honest expressions of your emotions for him other than the verb to fight. The verb “fight”is in the title of your thread. I think this verb may scare an anxious person like him. Anxious people are scared of fights, even when in context of fighting for them and not against them.

The best attitude to extend to a very anxious person is one of calm, not of distress which is involved in fighting (for or against). So I would eliminate your offers to fight for him, and for the relationship, as well as your expressed need that he fights for you too.

One more thing: gather more information about the nature of his anxiety, specifically, you can ask him what is the benefit, for him, in breaking up with you, what builds up in him leading to him (repeatedly) breaking up with you, and what is it that leads him to continue contact with you nonetheless. Ask him questions, gently, so to get much needed information. It may be helpful for him to express himself honestly, to know you heard him and understand him.

anita