Dear Lester:

You are conflicted. Part of you wants to avoid pain (the earliest animal instinct) and end the relationship, have her move out. The other part of you wants to avoid another kind of pain: guilt about hurting her. The first part is not likely to disappear because of the second part. It is likely to fight, to intensify. And to match it, your guilt will intensify as well.

If she cares for your well-being, she will not be interested to see your torture increase. On the other hand, she may turn a blind eye to it.

The simplest solution is that she chooses to leave, isn’t it? That first part of you knows it, and will try to cause her to leave you, I am thinking.

My suggestion that you end the relationship still stands. Perhaps you can compensate her for any expenses involved, maybe even offer to pay for some counseling so that she can recover from the pain you are afraid to cause her.

anita