Dear Junsheng:

You become a better person, a healthier person by becoming aware of how you think, feel and behave, an awareness that you already started. Basically, you learn how you operate and then re-learn a more effective way to operate, such that will work for your benefit and for the benefit of the one you love.

It is most important to choose a girlfriend who is not abusive, who is also working on awareness and being loving to you.

Such awareness can be gained through interactions with others. Sometimes it may be necessary to interact with a quality psychotherapist. It is not something you can do all by yourself.

anita