The thing about being at a dead end in life is that when you realize that this means you don’t want to repeat the steps that lead you there you discover the way open and that the dead end is actually a gateway.

I think you are on the right track beginning working on forgiveness as the story your telling yourself and creating needs redemption.  I found LB Smedes book Art of forgiveness helpful as well as David Richo work. Perhaps “The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them”

I believe we are and or become the story we tell. If such is the case the first place to start is to stop telling yourselves the story that is no longer helpful.

When you find yourself repeating the stories like the ones in this post try to take a step back and really notice what your saying. Try to do so without judgment of good and bad. Seek out any cognitive distortions and notice where you are playing the role of victim or villain. Separate yourself from any victim and villain narrative and identify what is left and you will begin to see what you can do to become the change you wish to see.

Here is a riddle for you: You are not your past, you are not your thoughts, you are not your experiences or memories… Who then are you?