Dear MariTapatia:

There is too much about your share that I do not understand, lots of things that are untold: the relationship ended April 2016, but not really, it ended October 2016. No animosity before October, how can it be, I wonder- the relationship … almost ended April with no conflict, no anger, no animosity?

You wrote it (almost) ended April because of “his insecurities”- I don’t know what it means. And what about your insecurities, weren’t there any?

You messaged him on your birthday in December (2016) and he cut all contact with you in… October 2017?

This is what I do understand: you “just want to permanently find the closure to this whole ordeal and move on in peace” and not “shake internally every time (you) see him”. Your last words are that the problem may be that you “tend to forgive but never forget… of the pain he caused”.

When you see him your heartbeat escalates as if you are in a middle of a jog, you wrote. That is a physiological reaction to fear, maybe there is anger, the body preparing itself to either run away or fight (Fight or Fight). It is that pain you mentioned, that your body fears experiencing again, that is the danger.

Maybe if you understood the nature of that pain, explored it, maybe it will help. If you would like to explore it, will you share as clearly as you can what caused the relationship to almost end April, what was the nature of the relationship from April to October, who pursued whom… how did you express to him your anger at him before April and after?

anita