Dear Nan:

Welcome back, although I wish you were back feeling much better, or at peace.

You mentioned having been delusional regarding this relationship (R-1, from previous threads) and at the same time, you wrote ” So, I continue to mildly think that it might work out”- meaning, you are currently … mildly delusional?

Let’s look at Reality, then. No one can predict much of what is in the future. He may get divorced and he may not. You can check the public records at his State and see for yourself how long have the longest divorces lasted, how long is the average divorce in similar circumstances to his? This will be Reality.

And so, it is possible that he gets a divorce, at one time, and then, it is possible that the two of you will be living together. If you do, when you do, this is what can be predicted:

* His strained or difficult relationships with his adult sons will continue to be difficult and you will be hearing about it, witnessing it and somehow involved in these.

* If his base mood is depressed, it will continue to be his mood much of the time. It may be that when he talks to you on the phone he is in a better mood, but when he lives with you, he is not going to be in that better mood all the time because you are there. Remember when you met and he cut the time together with you short, because he was troubled regarding his sons?

* His finances, his relationship with money, whatever it is now, it is likely to continue.

* You are likely to continue to feel guilty as you have so far. And afraid.

Your thoughts?

anita