Dear Junsheng:

I am glad you asked for my thoughts (I have plenty of those…)

You wrote: “Certain situations may have triggered my mum’s reaction (silent treatments) towards me… I did do something wrong/flawed back then to trigger her reaction towards me that way”-

I will be making a very important point about your quote and I hope you pay attention to it. I hope you focus on the following and consider it, take it best you can, because, I believe, it can be of great help to you:

When your mother gave you the silent treatment (a form of punishment, a covert way of aggression), she did not react to you doing something wrong. It was she who did something wrong.

She was the actor of wrong doing, not the reactor.

It is not until you realize this point, that you can assume correct responsibility in your present life, in all your relationships. Until you realize this point, you will tend to believe you are responsible for more than you are, carry on false responsibility, and burdened by such guilt, alternately blame yourself and others, back and forth.

Taking the correct responsibility for your behavior is fundamental.

You wrote: “Perhaps, instead of thinking that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, I should accept my faults and try to make myself better everyday”-

You believe that “there is something fundamentally wrong with (you)” because you took responsibility for your mother’s actions and called them reactions to you being .. fundamentally wrong.

anita