Dear Nia N:

This man has some financial ability: when in groups he picks up the bill, I understand, from what you shared in previous threads. When you had nowhere to live, he offered you his home, to live rent free, no contribution on your part required for utilities, food and  such, correct? And then, he  paid for your car repairs and some of the car payments… and for outings  with your mother, trips taken… and for your mother’s hip replacement.

Notice, the power  of money, how we are drawn to it.

Your mother should not have sold her house  before she had a place to move to, so to not rely on a friend for a place to live. If she kept her house, you would have had a place to live and not rely on this  man. If you were financially self sufficient, able  to provide the minimum required for  yourself, you would have been less drawn to this man.

Unnecessary financial distress is a poor basis for a relationship, it blocks your understanding of yourself  and the man, blocks honest communication, and  as your story indicates, carries a  heavy price:  you pay an emotional price for those “freebies”- in  quotations, because they were far from being  free  or freeing.

anita