Dear Cali Chica:

This is what I figure: the reason you ruminate about something minor and on a person more removed from you, is because thinking about the major thing/ the person close to you (husband, mother) involves way more anxiety, so your brain automatically goes to where there is less anxiety.

Same reason you didn’t respond to my input regarding the possibility of cutting contact with your mother- too much anxiety involved in it.

I have no expectations that you do cut contact with her. Unfortunately for you, it is very unlikely, extremely unlikely to happen. And yet, that would be necessary for your healing, to un- numb yourself. (The healing, if you cut all contact with her, will still be long because of her voice).

You wrote that only yesterday your mother terribly accused you. See, her aggression is ongoing, feeding that voice, increasing your anxiety. How can one possibly heal from abuse when it is ongoing…

anita