Dear Meander:

I read your whole post attentively. Using my own words I will summarize your post as I understand it, trying to present things as simple as possible:

Your Nana needs help because she is continuing to age, has pre-existing emotional trouble, neglects her health and resists improving her health and safety. She doesn’t like to be helped. She is likely to fall again (which may be fatal, as it is a frequent cause of death in the aging population). Your mother is helping your Nana best she can. Your Nana doesn’t like your mother. But as in any stressful relationship, the two take breaks from misery and laugh or relax with each other occasionally.

My suggestions: if you haven’t done it so far, do the research on what I mentioned in parenthesis and let your Nana know the simple statistics on the matter, so that you have no doubt that she is aware of the danger in falling, beyond injuries.

You can give your Nana and mother breaks from their time together, providing very temporary reliefs from their distressing relationship and the cost of it to each one of them. If you can afford it, depending on circumstances and your own well-being in mind.

See if there is a service you currently don’t know about regarding an agency perhaps that counsels the elderly, aware of that… elderly stubbornness to not exercise, to not ask for help.

If I was you, I would stay out of the relationship between your mother and Nana, not trying to improve it (beyond the temporary breaks, if you so choose). Way… way too late in this regard and nothing you can do.

anita