Dear E:

I read your recent posts and then re-read your original post. You are back with him for five months, no abusive behavior on his part. About 10% of the time you feel angry at him for violently attacking you before. The title of your thread, “How do I forgive him?” suggests your goal is to stop feeling angry at him.

You described a combination of fear, love and anger in these five months living with him again. And you would like there to be only love.

For my better understanding of your state of mind and situation, I am bringing up two topics, and you are welcome to respond (or not) to any one of these:

1. You are very concerned with your boyfriend’s privacy, from the beginning of your original post “(without it being too personal in case he…”) and in your recent post, not wanting to ask him what he is learning in therapy. What is your experience with privacy growing up with your parents: what did they teach you about privacy, did they respect your privacy..?

2. You are very motivated to win your parents’ approval, yet when they were against you going back to your boyfriend (were they not?) you went back to him anyway. If fearing your parents’ disapproval is so strong, how is it that you go back to him?

anita