Hi Reve,

I’m sorry that this has happened to you, it hurts, I know. My first love cheated on me twice. I guess what they say is true, once a cheater, always a cheater. I was devasted. We were engaged. Like you, however, I was very young, only 19, and not ready for all the responsibilities, and to cope with the conflicts of a relationship. It was doomed from the start. What’s worse, it took years for me to get over the pain of losing him. He has gotten married, has kids with her, it was an unhappy marriage he said, and he came over out of the blue one day and told me he wanted to see if “we could get the old spark back, that he still cared for me, and missed me”. I told him to leave. I will not put up with a man, who lies, cheats, and who I can not trust, and neither should you.

The first step, to gaining self-esteem and confidence is to leave the relationship. You are loveable, but you must love yourself first before someone will respect and love you. I know it will be very difficult, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be, and the more miserable you will become.

After you end things. Be single for awhile. You don’t need a man to make you happy. To things for you. Take classes, do some volunteer work, try something new, join a book club, join the YMCA. It is when we are happy with our lives and ourselves, that we start attracting good things in our lives, including relationships. When you do meet another man, get to know him first. Be his friend. Don’t start off quickly. You have to build a foundation of friendship otherwise, the relationship will not survive. When you start pursuing hobbies, and enjoying being single, that is how you regain self-love, esteem and confidence. x