Anita,

bringing the puppy on the hike – was simply life changing. i was laughing and dancing and both of us had so much fun. he is the cutest and i was able to FEEL for him again. no numbness.

he did so well on the hike for a small puppy. i am so proud of him. the views – were beautiful. because they WERE. no question about it.

me and puppy then went to a family friend’s house in the evening. i was able to eat some homemade traditional indian food that i have missed. puppy behaved so well. yesterday was such a great and positive day. i was able to feel and be happy. i know how much i love my puppy. it was so nice to feel it.

these family friends make me feel like a family member in a way i have never felt. i feel lucky to have met such people. they have two  young children who adore hanging out with me. something i also have never felt with children since we are not close to them in my real family. i know them through a connection with my father. when i moved here, they helped me TREMENDOUSLY with moving in etc. My mom was very rude to them in many ways and tried to inflict negativity about them on me. NO. they are amazing people.

C – she reached out to hang out. the way she texts me is …. so angry. short, abrupt, mean, and angry. wonder what that’s about. BUT, yesterday when she texted me rudely like that – i took a deep breath, smiled, and just responded to her EVEN HAPPIER. with smiley faces. i think it made her more mad. but, hey i was happy and i was not going to let her take that away. i did not even ponder for a second why she was acting that way. her problem. not mine.

conclusion: i am so happy i get to be un-numb about puppy. he is my everything. i know the feeling can go away again and i can have a similar episodic weekend like i did..but at least i know what is possible too.

like you said, the most distressing moments is when progress is made. i used to get confused and think that when i feel distressed and then good again (like i do today) – that i was faking it. i dont think it is that i am faking it. i think its me, and i am making progress, correct?