Dear Brenin:

You and your therapist agree that your wife is not malicious. Malice is “the intention or desire to do evil”, that is the intention or desire to hurt, to harm another.

Although she has not been hurting you while calm, having a plan to hurt you, a plan she devised cold heartedly- when she was angry at you, every time that she was, and then she expressed that anger against you, she intended to hurt you, in that moment. As this is the nature of anger- it motivates to fight/ to cause harm to another.

Reads like she feels threatened often, threatened by  a lot of things: a difference of opinion, a conversation you have with anyone else, a purchase you make. So she has been micro-managing you. And then, as you understandably reacted to her tyranny, she complains that you reacted the ways you did, as if… as if she is not the one causing those understandable reactions. Like a person punching another in the face and then blaming the person for getting a black eye, for having a bruise. Her rational is as absurd as this: how dare you get a bruise?

One of those understandable and natural reactions is you no longer feel love for her.

Is her son living with the two of you and how old is your daughter? If she treats her children like she treats you (or will treat them when they do have opinions different from hers, or when they share something with others), then they are in trouble too.

anita