Dear Jen:

Having the time and the inclination, I read and re-read all your posts on this thread, only your posts, so to no be influenced by my previous replies or others’ replies.

Reads to me that you have been way more clear and well than he has been. Problem is, as you wrote, “The thing is he is very confused and I was very clear, now I feel confused.”- this is the key sentence for me, in your whole thread.

Losing one’s clarity is not a good thing. And it is you trying to make this relationship work that is causing this confusion. You have been sacrificing your clarity of thinking and feeling for some time, so to make this relationship work.

The relationship is not working, no benefit to your sacrifice. I think he needs quality psychotherapy. He is too troubled to be able to conduct a healthy relationship, a commitment with you, or with any woman. Reads like a decent man to me, only not in that place of readiness, not even close.

If you can handle having a friendship with him, it being not a relationship, probably a good idea. I don’t know if you can though. You have strong feelings for him and they may not allow the distance required for a friendship.

I think that letting go of the relationship is the thing for you to do, for your own clarity, for your own well-being. The  option to this, as I see the situation, is that you will continue to get confused, not well and he will stay as confused and unwell as he is.

anita