I was having a tough day today and haven’t been online in a while. All the supportive comments brightened my day. THANK YOU 🙂

UPDATE: I once told him out of anger…”God is watching!”  I think that stuck..as i got a text from him a week ago saying he went to a temple in India and made a peace offering to the Gods for forgiveness and said apologized to me and wishes me only happiness blah blah blah..

Cheezy I know. But I LOVE cheezy. Happy to know he feels guilty. and if that’s our last communication than I accept it. think i need to do the cutting cords meditation thanks VJ!

For a few weeks I started eating healthier, physically more active, hung out with friends, did meditations in a group. Ive decide to stop talking about this situation with friends as ive gotten comments from friends like – “oh he did a number on you” or “your energy attracted him, you need to be more positive” ….feels like salt on my wounds.

I experienced an anxiety attack this weekend over something not even related to him! I had a relative call who ive had history with and my chest got heavy and barely made it through the call.  I started gasping for air went on for 20 minutes..it was so scary. Im worried that im suppressing my emotions. During the attack it I was confused as to what to do or who to call – no family here and he was my emergency backup. I called my close friend of 20 years but  discovered bad judgement call. Not everyone is equipped to deal with such things. All i know is in the future if i have one call to make any my life depended on it , it wouldn’t be to her.

All i needed her to say was just breathe. im here. you’ll be ok. You’l get thru this. Instead I got stern inquiry of if id been in contact with him or received a message from him and that im doing this to myself …and be more positive and get over it already. ..in that moment my anxiety actually got worse. Luckily divine intervention stepped in and my phone died.  Sad as if it was reversed i would be more supportive.   She later sent me a text saying she needs time to focus on herself and that she will call in a week to check up. As im not in a neutral space i didn’t write back and decided that im not going to react until i need to. Right now going to focus on making through each day peacefully. I understand not everyone signed up to go through this with me and im trying very hard to separate my feelings and from sharing them. This is why i have this outlet and my conversations with God…feeling sad and alone.