anita,

i am sad. scared. lost.

this is who i am? a person that can’t function? a person who needs to stop working? i am having trouble accepting this person.

i have not spoken to my director yet due to the fact that he has not given me a time. I will speak to him today at some point. my sister and i have decided to ask for a 3 month leave.

here is all the thoughts:

why is this me. i do not want this to be me. what will i even do? I do not want to be here like this. but now what? I go to therapy (which i made an appointment just now for tomorrow) and then what? I am frightened at the idea. I stare at my apartment and dog all day? I can’t. I hate everything. I hate going to the park. I hate going outside. I hate driving. Even my puppy is stressful. what do i even do. who am i. i dont know.

i see this lady going to work. i want to be her. i want to be normal. what will happen now. i dont know what to do. or what will help. ok yes, this is my one time finally to heal. i never actually have before. so….ok lets go…how?

i feel like my patients i work with in the psych ward. troubled and crazy.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by cali sister.