Yes, sorry, I should have sought more clarification. I did attend therapy last year, and I was put on anti-depressant meds for at least 4 months or so.  Overall, I found the experience helpful, as it allowed me to process a lot of uncomfortable emotions that I had held onto for years, particularly, a time when I was beaten with rocks at a young age (not my parents), people that I thought were my friends.

My problem is that I still have a voice in the back of my mind that tells me really awful things that I wouldn’t say about anyone, and the longer I am by myself doing nothing, the stronger the voice becomes. When I talked to a psychologist about it, he said that I may have to live with the fact that this voice may never go away, but it is very hard. I want to seek validation for what I do (which I know is indeed selfish), and when I don’t get it, I feel instantly crushed.

I am coping right now the best I can by trying to do meditation and keeping myself busy (but this honestly feels like trying to run away from myself).

I really honestly have no idea what I am doing with my life at the moment (to be honest, I never really did). At this point, I am essentially keeping myself busy to prevent from going insane.

I guess what I should have been more clear with is that I have a difficult time silencing the tape recorder in my head. It tells me that I am worthless, I will be forever alone, etc..

Going to therapy helped somewhat, but I don’t think that it helped with everything. My therapist asked me to question whether this voice was telling the truth or not, but the only answer I can come up with is “yes,” so I’m really not sure how to approach this yet.

As far as being unable to be intimate, I also think it comes from this voice that repeats in my head.