Thanks, Mark. Part of the problem with my anxiety is because of the way the economy is in this day and age, I can’t really afford to wait any longer to begin my life, but it feels so overwhelming that I have no idea where to start. Sometimes I lie awake at night fretting about the future.

I was originally planning on nursing, but after spending some time at a nursing home, I didn’t like the very little attention that the patients seemed to receive. I was under the impression that the nurses did more than just stop into a patient’s room, ask them how they are doing, maybe do a couple things, and then leave. It seemed very impersonal to me.

Thankfully, I have done well enough in my studies where I was accepted into an online OTA program that would take a year to complete, and this seemed like a better fit for me, as it is far more personal and development orientated. The problem is, however, that even though the program is one of the best in the country, the cost is over 40,000 dollars a year, so if I decided to do it, I would end up with over 80,000 dollars in debt, not including interest. The cost of paying that off over a lifetime would be crushing. The program would also require me to travel to Virginia for hands-on training every Wednesday of the month, and I just don’t think it would be possible to afford all those expenses, considering that all my money for my education I have paid for entirely by myself.

So for the moment, I am attempting the AmeriCorps program in Colorado, working for a non-profit agency.  I do have a great passion for helping people learn– the ESL classes at the library I absolutely love, but I can’t help but feel that I am wasting my time.  I’ve invested 3 years into my education, and maybe only 2 of my classes would qualify as a position as an ESL teacher.  So for the moment, I feel completely stuck.

I am living with my parents at the moment because it didn’t work well for me to live with my roommate, and I currently don’t make enough or get enough hours at the group home to move out, so this seems the next best thing for me.

I am a bit concerned, as well, for taking the assignment, as I don’t know anyone in Colorado, and it is just like the military: once you are in, you are in.  I am afraid that I will be absolutely lonely for an entire year, which is a hard thought to think about, but I try to stay positive and hope that I have a wonderful experience.

I guess aside from the episodes of depression, there is a lot of uncertainty about everything at the moment.