Hi Lucas.  I can definitely relate to what you are going through.  I can only speak to my case but I’ve lived most of my life within these protective walls I built around myself.  I have extremely low self esteem as the result of being rejected many times growing up.  I felt these rejections were because I was defective in some way.  I’ve become hardened and I’m afraid to become intimate because this would mean tearing down the walls, opening up, and letting the real me be seen.  I’m afraid people won’t like what they see.  This immense fear of being judged negatively and possibly rejected keeps me from becoming intimate.  I never got help but I hope you will.  Best of luck.