Dear Cali Chica:

No wonder to me that you “felt like stone”-

I too did not want to believe that my mother didn’t love me. It was unbelievable for the longest time, decades and decades. I couldn’t, wouldn’t believe it, no it couldn’t be, how could it… my own mother, of course she loved me, it couldn’t be any other way.

A child is not capable to believe such a thing, and so the child makes-believes anything at all.

As adults we keep saying things to ourselves to explain this unbelievable reality: no, no… no, my mother loves me, she has to, it can be no other way.

We make believe… she loves me, it is just that she suffered so much… she doesn’t realize… she is mentally ill.. but she loves me.

No, she doesn’t.

I believe, Cali Chica, that your mental health requires that you see what is true to reality. Your relationship with your husband, if he is a decent man, depends on this. And if you have a child or children in the future, their mental health depends on this seeing of what is true.

I am sorry. I truly am. I wish it wasn’t so.

Congratulations for not flying there, for not being there with your parents.

anita