Dear Cali Chica:

Your husband is a decent man, you wrote, then be loyal to him, be loyal to decency. Do not support indecency.

It is not decent of your mother to do to you what she has consistently done to you. It is not honest, it is not decent. It is not loving. Do not accommodate those things. The more you accommodate these things, the more… you become these things.

I don’t know if you read my post to your sister. I decided myself to no longer accommodate her breakdowns. I will communicate with her further, if she wants, at this point, but I will not be there for her to release her distress, temporarily.. until the next time, and the next time after this. If healing is her aim, then healing she must take on, and quality psychotherapy is the place to start that healing.

“how much can one person take”, you wrote. A whole lot. But at a great price and… for what purpose. What good does your accommodating your parents is (again, congrats for not traveling)- what difference does it make in their lives.. and in yours?

Assert yourself, stop the waste of your energy, that exhaustion. It helps no one and it huts you.

anita