Dear  Cat:

I used to believe in numbers too, but not because I was  spiritual, but because I was desperate. Today’s date would have meant something to me in the past: 2-4-2018. Two  times four is eight, 2, 4, 8. And then, there were  many dates and many repetition of digits, many combinations. I was desperate, I needed hope, hope that today,  because of the numbers  in the date, today will be different. Today I will be  okay.

I now see a lot of random, random that I used to put together as if there  was meaning  in it. Lots and  lots of random.

You asked  for other people’s thoughts about the relevance  of Clarence  in your life. I see the  two of you as two individual struggling, coming  together and  then separating, you are  still struggling. He is  probably struggling  too.

The yelling of  your mother, yelling at you.. and for no reason, that is definitely enough to originate that  struggle  I mentioned. A child is simply not equipped to handle yelling very well, to handle aggression. It starts a cascade  of  trouble that keeps going and going until healing  takes place.

I am familiar with  such yelling. I  still hear it at times. And then I listen and  try  to hear nothing  at all.

anita